I Am Machine
by TheGirlWithNoIQ
Summary: <html><head></head>Love Will Leave A Mark's sequel: Gaara had a childhood far worse than many he knows. The memories never leaves him; he always hears her voice and his hateful words. He never sleeps. So what will he do when he meets Hinata? How can he manage to work with all his demons? Why did he choose that way? The story gets told through Gaara's POV. Rated M due to lemon and dark themes(?)</html>
1. Chapter 1

***Names of every holy person you know of + Satan* Why the hell did it take so long?! Gigantic words of apologies for the stupid long break I just had. Maybe you expect chapters with over 11k words each? And maybe with very deep Gaara-centric characterization so that you readers understand why he did what he did? I will sadly apologise again. This chapter has simply 952 words of the story itself. No more, no less.  
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**At the end of summer break, I had a summer job. After the vacation I began in a new school, with new teachers, longer days, new rules and had to learn a bit hi-tech thingie regarding homework I hadn't done before. I got a writer's block. I then knew what to write, but never got the energy to write it. I just didn't feel it. I'm actually just happy I managed to write 3 of 5 chapters. Hopefully the last two will come easier than three first.**

**I now have a week's vacation, and my goal is to write this fic finished. For good.  
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**BTW; The manga is coming to an end!**

**I have no words other than; Enjoy! **

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><p>A Kazekage's job is hard. I knew this but still became surprised when I became one myself.<p>

It seemed like I had forgotten the many hours my father would sit at the office I am now being in, signing his name on paper after paper and then sign it again when a new stack of responsibility came together with a steaming hot coffee and a short message telling him about his upcoming meeting.

You have no idea how many times I had been seen on my knees outside his door, peeping through the keyhole while trying to understand how much he hated me, how much he wanted me to die on the spot with no other explanation than I have been a sin but not anymore.

I have no doubt my father knew I was there, looking at him, but he ignored me, and still did the first time his secretary had discovered me and shown me inside, with the thought of how happy my father would become.

He never, _ever_ looked at me, and his secretary never did it again.

I am still surprised how much I tried to understand the man giving me life, how much I tried seeing it through his eyes and see what he saw when he looked at me. It still surprised me how much I wanted him to acknowledge me, but I was never shocked of the pain I felt when he didn't.

'Was I really that desperate?' I think, glancing up from the current paper and sparing a small glance out the window, not seeing anything other than black and the few light sources still on. 'Night already, huh?' I note, not really surprised by the time and how long I have been working.

A small sigh slips out, and I continue reading the paper, writing my name afterwards and laying it on a stack working as "finished".

I grab another paper and the circle continues until a knock, followed by a door opening and Temari's head popping up to my vision.

"Hinata Hyuuga from Konoha is here to deliver a message from Lady Tsunade, the Hokage."

Before I am able to decline a dark-haired, young woman gets pushed inside, the door closing behind her quickly.

I meet soft, lavender eyes for a quick moment before she looks down, and while still looking down she steps slowly forwards till she is on the other side of the desk, thrusting a hand holding a scroll shakily in my direction.

I look at her for a moment before grabbing it, opening it and reading it.

_Get. Me. Beer. NOW._

I scoff, not really surprised by her message.

"H-Hokage-sama said it w-was highly im-important," says a voice so sweet I barely hear it.

I shake my head, meeting her gaze when I ask her, "Do you know what it says?"

Now it was her time to shake her head, "s-she told us it w-was c-confidential."

I lay the scroll down without a word and send it her way, to be honest not really surprised by her leader's antics.

She hesitates, meeting my gaze and seeing my small nod, then grabs the scroll and reads it.

"It seems your Hokage likes alcohol," I say, reading her silent question, "and her assistant — Shizune I believe she is called— uses to take it away from her, not allowing her anything. After a meeting here she tasted one of Suna's beverages and has been a fan of it ever since. She sometimes requests some being sent to her without her assistant knowing it, though I'm surprised she sent a team to give it to me."

"S-she'd probably sent s-some m-messages before t-that d-didn't reach you… that's why s-she sent us…" she says and practically falls down on the chair behind her, her legs no longer able to hold her up.

"Not to sound rude to your Hokage, but that sounds pretty much like her." I say, nearly dryly, watching her when she suddenly exclaims, "S-she even said it w-was S-rank!" before she blushes and promptly shuts up.

I am amused, though she can't see it, and some time went before I ask her, "When do you have to go back?

"W-when you h-have c-composed a message b-back." she gasps back, startled.

I nodd to myself, turning to a drawer, fishing up a paper and a pen and starts to write, then I stop, watching her closely before I state, "You are tired."

She doesn't reply, but her embarrassment clearly tells me she is, "You are staying here till I have composed a message for you to send back, right?"

She nods, and even if I can't see her face I know she is curious. I am too, actually. I have no idea where I am going, and became surprised when I say, "That would take…let me say, two weeks? Yes, that sounds about right. Enjoy your stay, Hyuuga."

She is on her feet in seconds, gasping "W-w-what!?" and looking at me like I am crazy. I don't look back, faking being busy with paperwork while I question myself why I had said it. In the end, I look up at her and repeats, "Enjoy your stay, Hinata."

She shuts her mouth shut, blushed prettily and says a quick "T-thank you!" before she hurriedly leaves the room.

I watch the closed-door for what felt like days afterwards, her voice repeating itself over and over, so low and sweet and cute…

I blink, dismissing my thoughts immediately, and look down at the paper in my hands, seeing the words but not processing them while I question myself why my heart has started a quicker rhythm and won't seem to stop…

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><p><strong>Was this worth the wait? I assume not.<br>**

**If you're curious the story title is from the song; I Am Machine by Three Days Grace. **

**Link if you want to hear the song and/or lyrics:**

** watch?v=8Zx6RXGNISk**

**or **

**watch?v=NmIBSeFhnfc**

**This will most likely be the title of the fic. Though I had another song in mind, which I sadly can't find at the moment. **

**I will hopefully have the second chapter up as soon as possible. Until then; Bye!**


	2. Chapter 2

**10/9  
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**Well, not the day after, but I have an update for you!**

**Thanks to _imma dino hear me roar, kaiser8krs_ and Haru for the reviews and thanks for the follows and favorites! :D**

**Read and Enjoy!**

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><p>"<em>Hey, Gaara…? Look at this." My mother smiled, moving some large green leaves away and pointing towards a tiny yellow flower which suddenly appeared. "This meadow buttercup likes to stay with fresh grass. Cows do not eat it, because it makes them ill."<em>

"_Really…?" I asked, worried, "does it make us ill too?" I took steps away as soon as the words left my lips, suddenly afraid._

"_Well… most flowers aren't good for us, you know. Though I'm not sure if this one is seriously bad for us." She smiled, taking away the sudden serious mood around us, "Just don't eat flowers, and you will be okay."_

_She let out a laugh, so kind, so warm, so _mom_ it made my heart flutter and I couldn't stop myself from laughing with her._

"K-Kazekage-sama… your guests are having breakfast at the moment, a-and your personal chef is finishing your plate as we speak. I-I just wanted youtoknow!"

I blinked, but my secretary was long gone. I sighed, rolling my eyes from her obvious hint. _'Fine. I will go…'_

The last fragrances of my mother left my mind as I rose up from the desk, noting the sudden lack of documents on it as I did so; I could faintly remember my secretary clutch some white sheets of paper close to her chest just before she left.

'_Tch, she seriously wants me to eat, huh…?'_

Wondering why she still worked here, I went to eat.

I have regretted that decision as soon as I went inside the dining room. So many things was happening at the same time that if I hadn't been good at showing no emotions, my face would look like a mixture between confusion, fear and annoyance.

Temari had whispered things to Shikamaru, her oh-so-obviously-boyfriend, and he had done vice-versa.

Kankuro and Shino had a bonding going on, where they bitched about no one understanding them.

Sakura was glaring at Naruto who wouldn't shut up about his latest mission.

Hinata was the only one, except from me, actually eating.

All actions stopped as Naruto Uzumaki asked me what the scroll from Lady Tsunade, or Lady Drunk as the other Kage's tends to call her, said.

That made me freeze for a moment, expecting danger, but nothing happened and I had to look at everyone who had stopped moving.

The thought I had, that was to tell him its contents, disappeared as soon as I met a soft pair of violet eyes, the owner expressing so much but also so little by how she looked at me.

And...I had no idea why I did it, the message wasn't confidential at all and none of us would suffer from its contents, but I found myself saying it. Saying I couldn't tell, that it was highly confidential. And the look of Hinata's face...

I'm completely speechless...all her emotions, revealing itself so..._ carelessly_ in front of everyone that could see.

I could feel my heart stop beating for a nerve-wrecking long while, only faintly hearing Naruto talk gibberish by my side, my whole attention at the Hyuuga who's eyes was flickering from me and Naruto and back again.

When I heard Sakura ask him if he was okay, I had to stop myself from showing my relief. And while Naruto tried (and failed) to lie about what he had thought (I had an idea, and I would have blushed if I hadn't been so good at hiding my emotions.), and with that not looking either me or Hinata in the eyes (which only proved my theory), I began to wonder who the silent and shy young Hyuuga was...

I pondered so much that I barely noticed the other occupants by the table stand up and about to leave. I panicked when I saw the girl of my most resent thoughts stand up, and I moved my fingers, and with that commanded my sand to thug at her sweater, easily getting all her attention.

Her eyes, so pale shade of violet, met mine and all the words I had thought of (which was none) escaped my mind, and all I could think about was her. I stared for so long that she looked away, embarrassed if I read her body language correctly, and I thought of what to say to break the uncomfortable silence surrounding us.

"Why are you blushing?"

"D-d-do you know... what Naruto i-imagined?"

We asked at the same time, both blinking in surprise afterwards, and I could only watch her blush deepen as she stuttered barely audible sentences.

As she stopped, realising what she just did, I was surprised she hadn't fainted by all the blood flowing in her cheeks. I strangely felt this need to help her, and I did.

"No... I don't know what Naruto imagined. I prefer not to know." I said, and looked at her, just waiting for her to understand that I was silently asking her to answer my own question.

"Um..." she said after a while, "I-I'm just not-"

"Are you afraid of me?" I cut in before I could stop myself, and for the first time I feared her answer.

"N-no, no!" she hurriedly stuttered, and shook her head furiously for added effect. "I-I'm not scared o-of you.. I-"

"Then why are you stuttering?" I asked, soon loosing my patience.

She stopped shaking her head, shocked by her facial expression, then began, somehow an uncertain and afraid, "I... I just... I just d-don't l-like _attentionverymuch!_" the last words so fast I had to decipher it, and when I did I could stop myself from showing my surprise.

"Attention by me... Because I'm Kazekage?"

"N-n... I just d-don't like attention in general," she said, before hurrying adding, "Kazekage-sama!" while blushing.

The title saddened me more than it should, "Aren't you the heiress of the Hyuuga-clan?"

She nodded, and the next words came both whispering and without any eye-contact, as though she was ashamed of her confession, "I'm w-waiting for my sister to g-get old enough so that she c-can take my place."

I nodded to show her I heard what she said, "You don't need to call me Kazekage-sama; you're a friend of Naruto after all."

Hinata looked at me uncertainly, "W-what do you w-want me to c-call you t-then?"

I shrugged, "whatever you want to call me." _I really hope it's not 'Bastard'._

She bit her lip, then breathed the words out, "T-then you don't n-need to call m-me 'Hyuuga' or 'Hyuuga-sama'. You're an f-friend of Naruto after all."

My lips twitched, _did she just...? _"Then I won't, Hinata." I said calmly, though I was far from calm in the inside; _Hinata Hyuuga is not like all the others..._

She looked both shocked and...happy?...by my words, "Me neither, K-Ka... Gaara."

We held eye-contact for a time that felt like forever, and I knew I never would get tired by looking into her eyes. That simple fact scared me; I needed to get away.

"I hope to see you again later, Hinata." The words left my lips before I knew it, and it wasn't just me that was surprised.

"I-I hope it to..., Gaara."

My eyes widened by her words, and my heart beat quickened drastically. I really needed to get away.

"I'm happy to hear that." I said, and was out of the room in a blink.

_I'm really happy to hear that...and that scares me._

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><p><strong>So yeah, you got to learn a bit more about Gaara's childhood and love for his mother... and how he feels about Hinata.<strong>

**I'm not completely happy with this chapter, and I will probably reread and fix it at a later time.**

**Hopefully you will be here to the next chapter! :D**


	3. Chapter 3

**10/12**

**Yay, a new chapter! I sadly couldn't be over and done with this fic this week. The good thing is that I'm done with all five chapters. :D**

**Thanks to _kaiser8krs _for the review, and for the follows and favorites.**

** I hope you will like this chapter, as you will learn more about Gaara's demons. Poor Gaara...  
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**Read and enjoy~!**

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><p>"<em>Gaara...?" <em>

I knew that soft voice –I heard it all the time– filled with a happiness only people who cared for you deeply and honestly could make; a voice heavy of dark memories.

"_...__where are you? I can't find you."_

A voice that I had heard ever since its owner's last breath, ever since the January I was supposed to turn seven. A voice that made me smile and cry at the same time. The voice of my dead mother, which now had began to chant.

"_I can't see you, Gaara... I can't see you."_

Her voice never stopped.

"_Where are you, Gaara? Where are my sweet, little boy? Come and see this little flower..."_

The darkness was back again; surrounding my mind completely, easily eating away one happy memory after another, leaving just black sight and mother's voice echoing the same old lines.

"_I can't see you, Gaara."_

"_This is a new flower, named..."_

"_Where are you?"_

"_I miss you, Gaara!"_

Coughs, which earlier had been just low humming, increased drastically and broke parts of her sentences.

"_I...see …, Gaa-"_

"_...a new flo..."_

"_...ss you,...ara!"_

The black sight began to flicker, I heard my mother's angelic voice talk the same old sentences, overlapping each other and overlapping each other, destroying all my senses, leaving just murmurs, screams and cries the only thing I could decipher.

"_I miss you, Gaara!"_

"_I MISS YOU!" _

"_You see that flower? Its new, your father gave it to me this evening... it cures stomach ache and cancer. Isn't that good, Gaara? That's- **Much ****be****tter than you, ****you piece of shit****!**"_

_..._

My throat was hurting when the memories (and nightmares) ended its tale, again right before sleep took me. I hadn't got a proper sleep in years, and I knew I wouldn't get it tonight either.

I left my bedroom, knowing it was useless to try to sleep again. I just wouldn't rest.

Deciding to take a scroll through the building to enjoy the silence only shared with guards on duty, I went through corridors after corridors, letting my mind move on it own as I walked.

I froze when I saw her; looking out the window showing _the garden_, eyes mesmerized by the sight, and my first thought was that my mind was playing a prank on me.

I realised quickly that wasn't the case, as I watched Hinata lean her head closer, nearly making her nose touch glass.

The happening made me amused I believe, as I soon found myself not far from her, trying to find what made her so interested.

Suddenly a startled gasp slipped out of her, and milk-white irises was staring at me surprised.

"Ka...G-Gaara!?" she exclaimed, followed by the blush that seemed attached to her.

"You can't sleep?" I asked, even though I knew the answer.

"I...I j-just needed s-some air."

I nearly smiled, but managed to stop myself, "I think its more air outside."

I was not shocked by her reaction; even if I had barely known her in a few days I had learned who Hinata was; a shy, blushing while stuttering, beautiful woman who became stronger as more as you got to know her. The stuttering woman saying words I couldn't make sense of was easily the very Hinata Hyuuga.

I wasn't sure she was so damn interested at the garden when she turned her attention to it, but it soon changed and a small smile played at her lips, and her red cheeks slowly became paler.

I set my eyes at the river of never-ending flowers in front of me, and felt almost embarrassed of what I asked her, "You like the garden?"

I refused to watch the surprised look she sent my way, but I saw her nod, blushing afterwards at the corner of my eyes.

"…y-yes, I do. I-Its breath-taking! I-I have never seen such a-a garden before."

My eyes found hers in matters of seconds, watching her honesty as plain as day before I looked away; it was too overwhelming for me to handle.

"D-do you like the garden?"

I nodded slowly, then began before I hesitated a bit. _Do I really want her to know?_

"My…mother had a big love for gardens and used to plant as good as every plant she saw while she lived. I…I guess I have gotten my fascination of it from her…"

My voice left me; memories I had suppressed came to life, and I had to shut my mouth from crying out.

"Y-you don't need to s-speak about it if you d-don't want to."

I froze, _is it really that obvious that I'm uncomfortable about it? _I really hoped she wasn't able to read me like a book, that was something I didn't wish for my worst enemy.

"I just d-"

"H-how..."

We both stopped, eyes interlocking, as I heard a soft laugh, and all I could feel was amusement.

"…Second time today, huh?" If I could, I would have smiled.

"W-w-what were you going to say…, Gaara?"

I had to think if I wanted to say it, and if I wanted to tell Hinata it. "…I just don't have many good childhood memories with her, my mother, and when I think about them I always remember something bad…"

"...oh..." was the soft, sad reply. I cursed myself for destroying the good mood.

"What were you going to say back then?"

"I…it w-was something a-about her…"

A pause. I blinked. She didn't continue.

"...what?"

She seemed surprised by me continuing the conversation, and to be honest so was I. I really wanted to drop the subject and be alone.

"I-I don't w-wa-"

I cut her off. "What were you going to ask, Hinata?"

By one look I knew she was going to give in.

"um… H-how many f-flowers did she find?"

I had to think. _How many flowers did mother find?_

"about…two hundred? Something around that…"

Hinata bit her lips, then pushed forwards, "um…h-how many is it n-now?"

I couldn't stop the smile that came when _pride_ burst through me. "Two thousand."

Her reaction was comical."S-s-so m-many!?"

Her eyes flew towards the garden, and I just knew what she wished right then. Exactly what every guest had wished when they saw it, even if I told them it was off-limit.

I knew what I was going to say to her, but it wasn't those that left my lips. "…do you want to go to the garden?"

Her cheeks turned red, and she averted her eyes to her toes. I silently waited, wanting to hear the word I knew she wanted to say.

"U-um…C-can I?"

I nodded. My emotions were raging from anger, shame, fear and hope, and I didn't dare to speak.

"A-a-are you okay with it?" She was frowning now, doubt crossing her face when I nodded again, and I had to add "yes." with a smile both knew was fake.

I stopped her before she could ask more, "is it okay if we don't do it tonight? I have work to do and you look immensely tired."

The last wasn't a lie. She looked tired, the red lines on her hands showing me what she had done today.

She looked surprised by my observation.

"Let's do it tomorrow," I said, "or the day after that. I'm sure your hands are healed to then."

I walked past her, my intention on the stack of papers on my desk which I knew would stop my mind from wandering to darker places.

I felt her tug at my sleeve.

"A-a-are you sure you w-want to show me it? I-I don't need to i-if you don't want to."

I froze, looking at the hand on my sleeve, _is she really for real...?_

"…can you let me think about it? It's just too…" I stopped, the words just wouldn't make sounds. In the end I shook my head.

She let go of my sleeve. I began to walk again.

"G-goodnight, Gaara," she called after me, and I didn't know why my heart made an extra jump at those words.

"Goodnight, Hinata."

_Only Gods knows I won't._

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><p><strong>So what do ya think? <strong>

**Lemon is happening the next chapter. And some drama... poor Gaara.**

**I hope you are back the next chapter! :D**


	4. Chapter 4

**10/18**

**Well, the good thing was that I updated...:P  
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**Thanks to _kaiser8krs_ and Eleoopy for the reviews and thanks for all the favorites and follows! :D  
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**(This chapter takes place around the chapters 8 and 9 in 'Love Will Leave A Mark'.)**

****With nothing more said, please enjoy attraction, drama and smut! ****

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><p>Hinata was... different. Different than all the others. She understood me. She was honest. She <em>liked<em> me. She smiled when she saw me, becoming happier than she was before. She smiled brightly. She laughed nicely. She was... beautiful.

She was beautiful, both in person and in body. I, who never had been good at seeing someone as attractive, became speechless when I first saw her, shocked by the beauty in front of me. How could a woman like her be single?

I never really understood that.

I enjoyed the time spent in her company, at night in a place I never willingly walked in. She never stopped making my heart flutter, never stopped making me lose my breath and she never stopped making the smile shape my lips.

And that didn't even only happen when it was only us two. Even at meetings, with the council or even only a business-partner, I was more at ease and didn't frown as much as usual, and simply due to one shy woman.

I didn't think about others noticing; I didn't even notice myself! So imagine my shock when the day after I kissed her for the first time, the Council cornered me on a way to a meeting.

"Lord Kazekage..."

I looked up, seeing the whole Council watching me with grave faces.

"...Yes..?" I asked cautiously. I had never really liked the Council and I knew that feeling was mutual. They had been the Kazekage's right and left hand in nearly forty years each, and had been both whiny and annoying at the latest meetings.

"It's about your close relationship with one Hinata Hyuuga." the head master of the Council said, and I felt cold dread ice down my spine. "The Council have discussed and come to an agreement; you must not court the Hyuuga-heiress, for not to danger the bad relationships between countries at today's date, and not to danger your next successor when the time comes."

"...what do you mean by dangering my next successor? A Kazekage is chosen by the people."

"Not always, lord Kazekage. In most cases its inherited. Your case was just a bit..._different._" The headmaster of the Council said, and even dared to smile.

Oh, if I had power I would have killed him.

"Young Kazekage, you do understand this... relationship... can't continue." a woman of the Council said next, "The Hyuuga heiress is not appropriate for someone of your role. This courtship can end _Suna_ if it continues, and many millions of civilians will die."

"You won't wish that, right?" a man said next, "be the cause of many innocent people's death."

"Listen to us, lord Kazekage. The Council is here to guide you, so listen to what we say; _end_ the relationship to Hinata Hyuuga."

With that they left me. To my thoughts. They were not happy ones.

The feeling of happiness never fully returned, though I hid it for Hinata. I kissed her every time I could, enjoying the feeling of her lips and hoping I never would need to part from it.

I felt selfish for wanting her, selfish for choosing my own happiness over the life of millions who believed in me. I didn't doubt for a second the Council was right. Despite being a group of old pricks, they had wisdom and knew what to say to get me to agree to their every whim.

I never liked it, the power they had over me, far less at this situation.

I couldn't bear the thought of letting Hinata go. Of watch her go past me and not reach out. The single thought of it made me cringe and I knew I couldn't bear it.

I just couldn't.

"...Marry me, Hinata. I need you in my life" I had said to her, after a speech of why I needed her and wanted to marry her. I sank down to one knee, offering a black little box, which she opened and let out a soft gasp.

It was tears in her eyes, but she nodded, "I w-would love to, Gaara. B-but we can't. Not now."

Here she took a deep breath before continuing, "the relationships between countries won't handle our marriage. Not in the present at least. O-Our actions may cause a-a Great W-War."

I had her in my arms in seconds, calming her down before she even became hysterical.

"I know, I know, Hinata..."

The talk we had afterwards was tense, but as we came to an agreement I was the happiest man alive.

**...x-x...**

Soft kisses made pleased sounds as I showered her in affection, holding her tightly to me as I walked down corridors that led to my room. The wedding ended less than one hour ago, and it seemed our lips couldn't stay apart.

I hurried my steps as I saw the door to my room, and quickly locked it up, carrying her in and placing her on my bed.

I closed the door and locked it, even though I doubted someone would come in on us and turned my attention on the woman... _my_ woman... sitting on my bed, cheeks red as she panted and a look of shyness and uncertainty nearly overshadowed her look of lust.

I walked slowly towards her, and stopped at her side, "are you sure you want this?", looking at her closely.

She hesitated, then nodded, and nodded once more with more vigour. Her eyes held no lie.

I leaned down and kissed her softly on the lips, placing my hands on her shoulders and lightly pushed her down, placing my legs on either side of her waist, and let my chest press at her own.

Then I paused, unsure of what to do next, thinking about one of the porn-magazines my brother had left in my office and how the main character wooed his women. I realised quickly Hinata was _very_ different from them, and I highly doubted she would say or do what they often did.

Deciding to go with the flow, I laid down beside her and continued kissing her as if it was the first time all over again, enjoying the pleased sighs that escaped her and how she placed her arms around me to come closer.

Letting my hands explore her and touch her back, then her lower back too I lightly squeezed her ass. I would never forget the particular sound she made at that.

"G-Gaara!" she squeaked, and my chest rumbled as I laughed, doing it once more to gain the same sound, and secretly enjoying how her front was to mine.

My tongue tasted hers, as they danced together, and a lewd sound was heard as we parted, both gasping after air. Getting enough of it, I slowly began leaving a trail of kisses down her neck, wanting to taste every part of her, and getting pleased moans from her as she leaned her head sideways to let me get better access.

Getting to the point between the shoulder and the neck I began to suck, biting slightly and swept my tongue over it before she could really sense the pain.

I then slowly began unbuttoning her shirt, getting a marvellous sight of a bra holding her breasts, and I licked my lips by the sight.

"G-Gaara..." I heard her say before her hands shut forwards and hid the view from me. I looked up at her, reading the embarrassment easily, and calmed her down with a kiss.

"Do you want to stop?"

She quickly shook her head, saying she didn't want to.

"Are you sure, Hinata?"

She bit her lip, then nodded for an answer, placing her hands on my face and leaning down to kiss me vigorously, "P-Please don't look at th-them..." she mumbled with flaming cheeks to my lips, and I kissed her back to ease her shame.

"Okay," I said back, kissing her once more, "though I can't say I don't want to."

She blushed at that.

After letting my tongue play with hers and tease it into another heavy dance, I began the same trail once more, her moans spurring me on. Getting to her chest I easily unbuttoned the last buttons, and then helped her take it of. It took many tries before I managed to open the bra, and when I did she was quick to hide her breasts for my view once more.

I hurriedly discarded my sweater, and I smiled when her hands flew to touch my chest, enjoying the feeling of them.

Meeting her lips, we were engaged in a heavy lip-lock, hands nearly bruising the other's skin and we were both moaning at the touches.

I soon found myself undoing her pants, then undoing mine, kissing her chest as I slowly trailed down to the end of her panties. Taking one of her nipples in my mouth I let a hand of the insides of it, and let it brush against her most private part.

Hinata gasped, moving her hips slightly and then moaned as I let one finger prod before slowly slipping it in. I felt her tense slightly, before relaxing as she hummed as I let my tongue swipe over her nipple.

The finger inside began to move, and I took it slow for not to hurt her.

"G-Gaara..!" she gasped, moving her hips slightly to meet it, and I took it as a sign to put another finger in.

Hinata tensed once more. I kissed her lips, hoping to make it easier for her to relax and for my deepest pleasure it did.

The fingers were spread slightly, moving deep but at a slow pace, and I had to stifle a sigh for the walls tightening around them.

Suddenly she moaned out loud, and if it hadn't been for the porn I would had been worried. Hoping I had found it I moved towards that spot once more, getting another half shout from her.

As pleasure surrounded her I put a third finger in, and kept touching that particular spot as I spread her wider.

"G-Gaara...p-please..." she moaned, and after meeting her gaze I knew what she wanted.

"Are... are you sure...?"

"Y-yes... I w-want you, Gaara."

I blushed at that, but couldn't deny the twist my cock made at her words.

I offered her a kiss, and took down my boxer, letting out a sigh of relief as it wasn't restrained any more.

With a look at the night stand, sand flew to it and opened a drawer, a bottle of lube coming back to me. Hinata blushed as she saw it.

Opening it, a good amount was squeezed to my palm, and I warmed it up before taking it all over my cock and taking some at her entrance.

I took a deep breath. I heard her do the same.

My lips touched hers, wanting to let her forget what was happening as I placed my cock to her entrance, and slowly pushed in.

Her mouth opened, but no sound left her and my tongue played with hers. A soft sigh slipped out, and I pushed in some more, taking it slowly and patiently waiting for her to grow accustomed to it.

Touching her breast, nipping at her ear or kissing her eased the pain, and it didn't take long before I was fully inside.

"Are you okay...?" I asked her, after a moment of silence where the only thing heard was each other's heavy breathing.

"Y-yeah..." she breathed out, pulse heavy and arms heavily around me.

I moved just barely, sensing how she felt, and when she didn't react moved some more. Slowly a rhythm came, moving back and forth, seeking one particular spot.

Suddenly Hinata moaned loudly, quickly taking a hand over her mouth to stifle the sound, which I promptly grabbed away.

"S-someone can hear m-me!" she whispered, cheeks not only red of arousal.

"Relax. My room is sound proof." I didn't say more, and she didn't ask; something I was happy of.

"Please let me hear your beautiful sound, _Hinata_." I whispered hotly to her ear, hearing a pleased moan leave her lips as I hit her spot dead on.

Moving my hips slowly backwards and fast ahead, I quickly found a rhythm soothing us both, and it wasn't just she making noises.

"G-Gaara, f-faster!" she half-yelled, and I complied.

"H-harder!" I didn't even hesitate, using more force and gaining pretty noises back.

I had never experienced something as pleasurable before, and I didn't want it to stop.

It didn't take long for us to reach our breaking point, and we came with each other's names on our lips.

A small pleased smile shaped Hinata's lips, and I had one equally relaxed.

Both sighed of dismay as I moved out of her, falling beside her and worming my arms around her to hold her close, feeling damp hair tickle me when she laid her head on my chest.

We stayed like this to our breathing became normal, and the cold became to unbearable to handle. I grabbed the blanket and enveloped us both in it, smiling when Hinata cuddled some more.

"I love you, Gaara."

"I love you to, Hinata."

I ignored the dark feeling in my gut and held her close.

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><p><strong>...<br>**

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**When I began writing fanfiction I never thought I would write smut, far less in a guy's point of view...But that's that, I hope it was okay. I'm somewhat happy with it..., somewhat.. **

***If you wonder about the 'soundproof-room thing'; when Gaara was younger he had often nightmares(before he got insomnia), and he screamed so loud his siblings woke up in the middle of the night and checked on him. When he realised how tired they got of it, he made his room sound proof... **

**I hope you're with me when the last chapter is up. Its going to be dark...very,very dark...:(**

**Until then, Bye~!**


	5. Chapter 5

**10/26**

Wow, this fic is actually done... *in tears*

Thanks to you all for sticking to it; for reading the story which I now realised is quite messed up. XD Thanks to favorites, follows and nice comments, and for stalking me(for some of you...XD)!

I have tried to find a song suiting this chapter, but I haven't found one yet. If you want, listen to I Am Machine by Three Days Grace... it could/may suit it...

About this chapter/Gaara's character:

Gaara is messed up. Completely messed up, actually. And the wording has changed a bit to prove it. He began losing his sanity at the previous chapter, but by now he has become insane. This chapter is quite dark also...

With that, lets the series come to an end...and Gaara mentality.

Read and enjoy~!

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><p>"<em>Gaara, look at this flower. It's beautiful, right?"<em>

"**You son of- How could you!? She's dead, and its ALL YOU FAULT!"**

"_Y-you don't need to tell me if you d-don't want to."_

"**You must not court the Hyuuga-heiress. MILLIONS of INNOCENTS will die THANKS TO YOU!"**

Mother's laugh, father's angry voice, Hinata soft-spoken words, the Council's slimy voice full of malice. They kept me awake, and made it impossible to think about anything else.

It made me feel more sleep-deprived, even if I knew nothing of my sleeping-pattern had changed.

It was difficult to keep attention in meetings, thoughts drifting away from what the businessman was trying to woo me into buying or doing for his own personal gain.

It was hard looking out of my window, seeing busy civilians walk the streets below, and understand I may or may not have sealed their fate by being together with one Hinata Hyuuga.

The mere thought fuelled my usual bad mood, and I may have lashed out on my secretary when she had made small noises a bit too many times, or swore and stormed out of the room when my siblings talked to me.

They all noticed how I was, but no matter how much they prodded to make me confess what was troubling me, I just couldn't; the shame was too great.

Naruto found out I married her. He congratulated us on his own weird way, and the feeling of pride numbed the feeling of shame for a few seconds. I cherished those few seconds.

Sadly Naruto wasn't the only one.

"Lord Kazekage, what have you done?" the Council said after one of our daily meetings. "You _married_ her! How could you, think about the people looking _up to_ you. What will they do when they find out their own Kazekage _killed_ them, just because he wanted to be selfish."

They said much more, but my mind couldn't understand them. It was frozen, hearing only a few words in reverse; War, _death, suffer, shame, betrayal, selfishness, shame, death, suffer, betrayal, __W__ar, selfishness, innocents, death, hate, betrayal..._

How _could_ I!? I'm the reason my people are going to die, I'm the _reason_ billions of people will suffer and die in War. I'm the reason...and just because I wanted her just to myself. Jut because I wanted her, just because I was _selfish_.

I just betrayed my people's trust. They believed in me, they _trusted_ me, and I betrayed them, just because of my own selfish desires.

My shame will solve nothing. My people's fate is destined just because I wanted someone I never could have. Ever.

I had to let her go.

I have to.

I must.

I don't want to.

I must.

My heart is breaking.

I must.

_I'm sorry._

_-x-x-x-x-_

The sand was soft to my feet. A breeze came over us, playing with our hair before it flew past us. I looked after it wantingly as far as I could; the moon's light didn't help much.

_Have I chosen right?_

I didn't want to dwell any more.

"Hinata," I said through gritted teeth, this was difficult, oh so difficult. I had to look away from her eyes. "I can't."

"W-what..?" my heart broke in pieces by how her voice shook.

"I just... I can't..." my voice cracked, I had to try again, "t-this can't work out. _We_ can't work out. . . I just... I just can't..."

I had to force the next words out, "I-I... I'm not someone for you. I-I'm not someone for _anybody_..."

Tears were falling. "Hinata..., you can get anybody you want, so please, _please_ don't cry."

"W-what a-are you saying...?" it came out like a whisper.

My voice cracked. "I'm not someone for you."

"I-I love you, Gaara."

"And I love you, Hinata. But..., I just can't..."

_Not when I know I __am selfish. Not when I know I am selfish for wanting you..._I shook my head to get the thoughts away.

"I...I just can't be Kazekage anymore... not when I can't have you..."

"W-wha...?"

I couldn't hear her, "And even if I'm n_o_t Kazekage, I can't have you... I just..." _Without the title Kazekage I'm nothing. Just a name. Just a damn name which only brings suffering. And nightmares.  
><em>

Hinata broke into thousands of pieces in front of me. I couldn't bear it any more. Cradling her into my chest, I felt how she shuddered in my grasp, and felt her hands hold onto my shirt as I nuzzled her hair. She made sounds I didn't want to hear.

"Hinata..." I took one step away from her and leaned my mouth near her ear, "I can't..." _I need to breathe her in one __last__ time _"...I'm leaving."

She gasped. "No." she said, and I shook my head.

"I must... I just can't... in a place where I can't have you..." _… I know I will break..._

"I'm c-coming with!" Deep down I knew she didn't mean it.

Feeling her lips one last time, I stepped away from her and saw her get more crushed with each step I took.

"I'm leaving." I said, and it pained me to say it, "Goodbye, Hinata..."

I let nothingness cover me and left.

–

I walked to I couldn't walk and continued walking. Some of my power left at each step I took but I didn't let it stop me. I just couldn't. I needed to get away.

The sand was warm against my feet, and the sun wished to burn me alive by its heat. I wanted it. I needed it. I wished for it.

I was still ashamed of myself for doing a selfish choice I knew my people would suffer from. I was still ashamed for wanting her. I still wanted her.

I fell to my knees when a sudden dizziness swept over me, making it impossible to stay upright. A little groan left me as warm sand heated my legs.

_Damn, it's a warm day today._

I didn't know how many days had passed since that night. I only knew I had walked, and continued to walk, even if my heart wanted to go back to her.

Another dizziness came over me, more powerful than before and I fell heavily on my stomach, sand in my mouth and nose.

I felt how my heart was pounding, fast, and how it hurt to breathe.

_No...it _can't_ be...is it how it is...am I. . ._dying_...?_

I doubted it, but I couldn't shake the thought away.

I coughed; it hurt to cough. My chest was complaining against every move my body made as I coughed.

"F-fuck..."

I needed to do something, I needed to do _anything_.

I felt something crinkle in my pocket, and as I took it out I realised it was pen, paper and envelope.

I never understood why I always carried it with me, but couldn't really complain.

Every movement hurt, but I didn't let it stop me. I just wrote.

_Koi Itsumo_

_I regret everything I have done to you. I know I hurt you. I despise myself._

_I could write how much I am sorry, but I know it won't make a difference._

_I have not much left. I can feel it. _

_I regret many things. I have done much bad in my life._

_Taking you, having you and leaving you is what I regret the most._

_I wish I hadn't left without a fight. I wish I hadn't been such a coward. _

_I wish I hadn't left you._

_I'm sorry._

_I love you._

_I'm sorry._

_- Aijo Eienda_

I had barely put the paper in the envelope when dizziness overcame me, and darkness clouded my vision. I faintly felt no pain from my chest.

I welcomed the darkness with open arms.

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That was it. This fic is done. The series is done now. Damn, the feeling I just got is weird.

Yeah, Gaara died in the end. We can't figure out when (right after, years later...), we can't figure out how (by dehydration or something similar, by the same illness as his mother...)...

Ah love...so tragic...

Btw, I know the "oh-I-just-had-paper-and-pen-in-my-pocket-at-that-convenient-moment" was lame. I really do.

I hope you have enjoyed reading this fic (and this series actually)

Bye~!


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